husband doesn t want to go on family vacation husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

At least, not something like this, which is a very normal part of having a job. either. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy? Normal For Husband to Vacation Without Me? - FatherResource Milkshakes there are ON POINT. Couples counseling has given us a neutral forum to figure out how to face it together, to help me express how his behavior effects me and our family, and for me to learn how to support him. And his anxiety is HIS to manage, not hers. Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. Sogoahead and book that trip, and then make sure you spend asmuch time relaxing aspossible before your departure. Im familiar with the kind of irrational worst case scenario anxiety youre talking about. There are plenty of restaurants and even the pickiest co-workers can settle on a dinner location. The following photos show exactly what can go wrong when you try to take a family photo. Can you cut it out, or find someone else to talk to about your worry?. From my experience with family members with these issues, I needed to learn how to help create a healing environment at home. That was plenty for me, for the social experience.). You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. Or leave? Who was the genius with the idea to build a tourist trap in a desert? Do not sacrifice your career for this. Vegas does business trips right. My husband usually goes on an annual drinking trip with his buddies (they all go to a particular beer festival in a nearby city). Fun for a night or two a year, too much otherwise. If I squint really hard, I can kiiiinda see the objection to the first scenario (though still not really), but objecting to the second is very weird. My spouse also has some anxiety issues, and will develop obsessive worries about certain irrational things. Does he realize people, like, live in Las Vegas and have perfectly normal lives? He even did it the one time I was staying *in a convent*. Youre adults. They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. Its a very highly policed city. Aw, hell gonna cancel my reservation then! Also, in some (not all) work situations, it would be quite weird and out of step for someone to bring their spouse along. Autor de l'entrada Per ; Data de l'entrada columbia university civil engineering curriculum; hootan show biography . Yes, you can absolutely get yourself in serious trouble in Vegas but you can also have the most dull weekend imaginable. Just that it might be (MIGHT) an explanation. I won money on a work trip to Vegas - do I have to donate it to my employer? I played Princess Bride slots for 45 minutes. Go. My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. Its been 12 years for me. Yes its a confusing sentence but I believe the OP comments elsewhere that she wrote what she meant, the people her husband polled WOULD allow their significant others to go. We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. So, OP, if you take nothing else away from this comment chain, hopefully you at least get some calibration to your is-it-weird-o-meter. Im all for giving your loved ones the name of the hotel youre staying at and checking in on a nightly basis (Ive done it myself) but if hes being controlling and/or anxious, there may be no amount of information that will be enough to assuage him. My (mentally ill) mom does this thing where if theres something she doesnt want me to do, she makes up stories about how dangerous/stupid/inconsiderate/selfish/wrong of me to do it. This makes me MAD. Los Vegas is known more for shows and EDM festivals than anything else these days. I could care less about gambling and night time shenanigans. But theres no letting about it. Two birds one stone! I bet youll have a blast. Maybe he has heightened anxiety. I dont know any sex workers and it certainly would not be for me, but Im not going to clutch my pearls and start labeling other people,s choices as unwholesome and I have a big eye roll for people who do. A few years back my older sister went to LV on a business trip with others. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Thats what I was thinking. But he didnt make a peep when we took her to Vegas for our wedding! I had a meeting at a school outside of the city and a friend was shocked that there are elementary schools there. Being in Vegas to me would be about eating at fancy restaurants, doing the neon lights tour, etc. A reader writes: My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. Yeah Im kind of surprised people are acting like theyve never heard anything bad about Vegas. I agree, the posting guidelines specifically ask that we not attempt to diagnose mental issues, it tends to devolve into discussions about theories of mental health and people sharing their mental health stories vs: helping the letter writers. Without any business context then yeah, lots of people would object to that. Sorry for the confusion. I dont even like Vegas and end up there twice a year because its such a common conference location because of the affordability. Im not so sure its abuse, to be honest. I had half a day free so I went horseback riding in the desert (which was spectacular and I recommend to anyone). Because this thing where he insults the moral character of his beloved wife based on the fact that she needs to travel for work? My only regret about that trip was that it was so last-minute I couldnt get a ticket for my boyfriend, who has never been to Vegas and would have also enjoyed wandering through the hotels and playing a few slots for the free drinks. Good luck to you both. Businesses plan conferences in Las Vegas because the rooms are dirt cheap, not because theyre planning some sort of raucous party. Connect with your family and friends, and even try tomake new friends. If your classes are in the evening then change your major. mmmmmmm..yeah. This is also what I pictured especially if he freaks out like this regularly-ish (every time she has a trip its a big ongoing issue for a chunk of time), his friends might have just learned to ride out the rant with general affirmative noises. After my husband and I boarded the plane, I began my ritual of praying . The place is set up for meetings and conferences, has so many airline and flight options, plenty of cabs/Lyfts/Ubers, and staff at the facilities has run into every possible issue that can crop up. Not everything is an abusive relationship, AAM commentariat. Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. We get to decide what level of irrationality we are willing to handle in a relationship and if its based in fear and being used to limit who you want to be, that just doesnt work. Him trying to get her to conform to a cultural norm that shes rejecting isnt necessary toxic, but just because its somebodys culture doesnt mean they get to impose it on others. Women will agree with a spouse to avoid conflict. I think theres sometimes a tendency in certain corners of the internet to equate I have to talk to my partner about X before I can do it or My partner doesnt want me to do Y with OMG controlling relationship!, when there are lots of circumstances where that kind of thing is totally reasonable. My wife has these same kinds of fears during my daily commute, let alone when I travel for business. My partner has a fantastic story of stumbling on some kind of yakuza pre-dustup in Namba (in a Family Mart of all places). Theres some merit to this and the What happens in Vegas thing. Scheduled calls keep him more relaxed. That doesnt seem fair! If your job is like mine, youll be standing all day training people on new products and campaigns and be totally exhausted at the end of the day. If the wife approaches it as a joint issue, that demonstrates goodwill rather than blame, and is more likely to get the husband into the therapists office. I wouldnt be surprised if it were like 2 people. My SO and I ate there in 2013, and he STILL sighs and says, That was a good burger, whenever Las Vegas is mentioned. Ive encouraged him to take trips on his own without me, especially when Im on travel. Last time you went on a business trip, you spent the entire time dealing with his feelings about it instead of focusing of what you were actually there to do. I wasnt allowed to take late classes in school bc good girls dont stay out after dark. We walk through various casinos and gawk. He asks that I check in with him once or twice a day for hi-and-I-love-you. They live there with partners and children, even! should I be so emotionally drained by managing? You could talk tohim about why hedoesnt want you there and see ifthere are any issues that need toberesolved outside ofavacation setting, oryou could simply ask him ifhed like you togowith him next time. I agree with this- even if she were able to somehow get out of the trip without professional repercussions, Im quite sure he would find something else to stress about and restrict her from owing to these kinds of irrational fears. Everyone except family becomes a drunk driving human trafficker after sunset. Its crazy how often this happens. I go on frequent trips completely by myself, or with girlfriends, and he is not at all jealous/controlling (he doesnt love travel like I do which is why hes not going with, suits us fine). Since its also a town that does very well at marketing itself as a destination for conferences (their facilities and amenities are really good, and I imagine their pricing is great because of demand is high enough to keep them low) then it makes sense that your work is choosing it as a place to send the managers since it sounds like an out of town conference is generally a thing they need to do. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. Omg that sounds so much like my mom. Yeah the strip can be crazy but so can Disney World. Hed get support from his friends and family. I got friend walks with doggo once a week to give myself what I needed while respecting that my husband didn't " I don't want to travel the world with you to film weddings and turn ever work trip . I still think he worries about my safety a bit too much (and whoa, good Im not headed to war zones at this point in my career! It may not necessarily be abusive, but it is controlling it doesnt get a pass just because other people would do it. I suspect he asked a leading question, something like My wifes company wants to send her to Vegas with a bunch of single guys who like to stay up late drinking. Caveat: I dont think scheduled calls ALONE will solve OPs issue. Is it only the Vegas trip where he has the outsized reaction or is there some anxiety for safety around all trips? Kidnappings, someone spiking your drink, etc. Unlike other cities where the hotels and expo centers are spread apart dotted in among the rest of the city, the downtown area was basically built for tourists/travelers. Look at it again. My husband has cheerfully seen me off to conferences in Vegas, Austin, Reno, San Diego, Milwaukee, and other cities. I say go for it! I hope he can get help and is able to recognize this about himself, since you say hes a great husband otherwise. What happens in counseling is that the controlling spouse learns new language to gaslight and manipulate their partner with, and things get worse instead of better. Are we sure that survey actually happened? But other things may be reasonable eg nightly call ins and letting husband know that she is not going to call or answer his calls during the day. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. And hes trying to sabotage your livelihood with his nonsense? Your husband is way overreacting and yall need to figure out why. 2005-2023Everyday Health, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. Youd have to make an effort to get kidnapped, I think. My husband used to be pretty bad about my work trips, too. Last year when she went not only did I work my 2 jobs but I tiled our laundry room to stay busy and keep my mind on things. Could be true. I think youre right, but it really needs to be highlighted up top: a lot of people tend to think that couples counseling is for us issues, and this is 100% a him issue. I suspect this has less to to with irrational fears of the big, bad world, and more to do with an outdated, sexist view of the man being in charge of his woman. Period. Not a single word uttered). I know this is a long-shot, but anyone else think theres a real chance that this is the employee from this thread: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html? I meet family from California. I do think raising, where you live, and a worldly perception of Vegas play in. This seems to be a common pattern, though of course not a certainty. She needs to act on whats happening, and then maybe delve into the why with AAMs excellent advice. When I was there, I went to museums, saw a few shows, visited a shopping centerall during the day (except the shows) and safe. My wife has said that the best way to think about it is that theres a problem with how I view things. OPs husband doesnt seem like he would have mentioned it if it didnt support his own opinion. I would be surprised if it were anything more than a coincidence, but I think that reading that letter/advice/comments could be beneficial for this OP to see how it would likely be perceived if she did refuse to take the trip at her husbands behest. Sorry if I didnt tie that up explicitly enough. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. I understand everyones points of view completely, just a couple questions and I apologize if theyve already been asked and answered 1) but is it possible that he go too 2) my spouse travels monthly, I hate it. (I do apologize that my intention to be helpful wasnt completely clear). Oh, good, dont have to worry about Massive Problem A oh hey, Medium Problem B, lets obsessively think about that for ages!. Vegas is not somewhere Id vacation, but conferences there are very smooth and convenient. Either way, the poster is mimicking them in an exaggerated way in order to make them appear more foolish and unreasonable than they would if portrayed accurately. The biggest crime Ive personally witnessed is the outrageous price of food. You just reminded me that a lot of Mormon fundamentalist families live in the suburbs of Vegas because people dont bother polygamist families out there like they do in Utah. But you dont get to be irrational all over someone else without consequence. Access to prostitutes, drugs, extramarital affairs, and excessive drinking and shenanigans is available pretty much in every town and city. Updated: June 23, 2020. You know, because theyd been there for the last year and had witnessed all of it and hadnt just heard his side of the story through his rose-tinted glasses. All of us can comment all we want about how innocuous this trip is, and how much of an overreaction this is, but it doesnt change the facts from where youre sitting. On the flip side however, I do know some couples who havent spent a night apart in 20+ years. And you can get into crazy stuff in any city, really; Vegas has developed a reputation for it to bring in tourism money, but there are parties and bars and even gambling in lots of other large cities in the U.S. Next, things you can do. Grownups dont treat other grownups like this unless they are fundamentally abusive. Marriage CounselingDefinitely. It really seems like your husband doesnt trust you, and as AAM said, that is a relationship problem. I think if OPs husband was acting reasonably, this would be a good solution. Its not bad practice to not accept food or drink from strangers, or let your drink out of your sight at a bar, but Id worry about those things much less in Las Vegas than in a local bar.